i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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