Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
