Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
