Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
