I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
