At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
