Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
PANTIES FOUND
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