We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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