i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
