Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(320): View more from Minnesota

her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

that's how i am about ashleys and britneys

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(913): View more from Kansas

You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

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(407): View more from Florida

I think I have a pornographic memory.

(954): View more from Florida

Don't you mean photographic?

(407): View more from Florida

No.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

Fav 6 4452 2041
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(989): View more from Michigan

I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.

Fav 0 479 406
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(218): View more from Minnesota

You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?

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