my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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