He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
