Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
