I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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