you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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