Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize