i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
