no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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