Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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