I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
