no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
