The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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