I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize