I got chris browned last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
