gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
