on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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