We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
