I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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