oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
