I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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