The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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