I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
