I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
