I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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