I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
