I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
