If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
