Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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