He uses pillows to masturbate.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
