you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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