We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As shirtless as possible
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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