Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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