OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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