Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
