I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
