I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
