dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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