I should be sponsored by Trojan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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