I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
