have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
