this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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