A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
