its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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