I showed him my bush... on skype.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
only if we run a train.
done.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
