You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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