girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
