He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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