The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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