im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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