If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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