This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
