oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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