Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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