smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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